October '04

We were introduced to our agency, Wide Horizons for Children (WHFC), thru our RN, Sophie, at our infertility specialist's office. She adopted a daughter Lily from China over 5 years ago and had a great experience. The agency is centered in Waltham MA, but has a satellite office in West Hartford.

We were officially done with the infertility crap, so on Oct. 16th we gave the agency a call to get more information. Unfortunately we had just missed their monthly "introduction" meeting, so we signed up for their November meeting. In the mean time, they sent us a big envelope with lots of general information (Oct. 18). It gave the run-down of the various programs they offered, some agency particulars, and a registration form. Of course, our eyes got stuck on the price tag. My problem with adoption had always been the price. I have great difficulty with the concept of "buying" my child. I especially have issues with the high cost when there are so many children who need homes. I'm getting over that since there isn't much you can do to fight that, and this is really our only option if we want children.

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November '04

Since I'm not the most patient person in the world, I called to ask if we had to wait for the meeting to register. We didn't, so we filled out the form and sent it in with our registration fee on Nov. 10th. From talking to Mary Fornier (the chick in charge at the satellite office), we tentatively decided on South Korea due to their speed in processing as well as some particulars of the program. Ken really wanted a domestic baby (from the USA) or at least a caucasian child, but of course, it was too early to pick a program just yet.

We received our application packet on Nov. 17th, just before the meeting. There were a lot of items to fill out and documents that we needed to get. I sent away for Ken's birth certificates, and I bounced around Hartford to get all of my docs. We looked over all the forms to get all of our questions ready for the meeting.

The meeting (Nov 19) was pretty much a rehash of the info they already sent us, but it gave us a chance to check out a bunch of other couples who were in our boat. It was a motley crew. Some were older, some were younger, and some looked our age. I was surprised to find out that not everyone at the meeting had registered yet or had received an application packet. I guess that's why the meeting seemed kind of like a waste for us. The good part was a"testimonial" that was given by a client who had adopted from South Korea -- pretty lucky, eh? It was a good experience for Ken because he was able to see that the child fit into the family despite the obvious difference. I appreciate his desire to not look to the whole world that we adopted, but the door was opening for him. That is good because the cost for domestic is much, much, much more than foreign.

Once the meeting was done, we quickly began the application process. We needed three non-family references and one family reference. We asked Liz for the family reference because she was already in "adoption mode", so she would know what they were looking for. We chose our friends Missy, Fran/Lucy, and Jeff/Karen for the non-family. They probably know us the best, so we figured they would be able to answer the questions. It was a tough item to write and we really appreciated how quickly everyone got them done for us. We had a goal to get all the application pieces in by December 15th, so that only gave everyone a few weeks to complete it.

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December '04

We finished our application and mailed it out on December 5th. It was received December 8th by the main office in Waltham. We were told that it would take 2-3 weeks before we were assigned a social worker, but we got our phone call on Dec. 16th, only eight days! Our social worker, Bonnie Walsh, will be responsible for doing the home study. She will also be our "point" person within the agency for all non-program specific questions. The home study is a series of meetings. The first one is scheduled for January 2nd and will be for both Ken and me to meet her. I have no idea what we will talk about specifically, but I'll bring my "binder". (I have this great binder/folder with all the information, forms, copies, etc of everything so far. Yes, I'm annoyingly anal!) The second and third meetings are for Ken and me to meet with Bonnie individually. I'm not positive why they split us up, but it's probably to be sure we both are on the same boat. Before we can have the final meeting, we have to attend a "pre-adoption" class. The next available class is in February, so we won't be done with the home study before the end of that month. The last home study meeting is where Bonnie will come to our house to check us out. We sent in pictures of the house as part of the application, but I guess they want to make sure it was really our house. Once the study is done, it will take Bonnie about 3 weeks to write up the summary. Once that is done and sent to Waltham, we begin our wait to get a child referred. I guess it's probably time for us to finalize our program choice!

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January

On January 2nd we met with Bonnie Walsh, our social worker, for the first time. It was good to finally meet her in person since we had only spoken on the phone so far. It was an interesting meeting with both some expected and some surprising questions. She had a script of questions that she asked us, and wrote down notes from our answers. Mostly everything was a run-down of our biography that we already wrote, like when/how did you meet, and how will you discipline. There were some extra questions thrown in here and there. The one where we had to say what qualities we liked about the other person was kind of weird. I was interested in what Ken would say in front of a stranger. He was a trouper, though, and didn't shy away. We also had to answer how we would discipline. I told her that we would keep him in a closet. She didn't have a problem with that. Luckily, she seemed to approve of our humor throughout the interview. We scheduled the rest of the interviews and got a little "to do" list from her, so we finally have something to do. Unfortunately, most of that list will be completed today with a phone call. Oh well, at least it was something.

Ken and I hosted a dinner on January 3rd to thank everyone who took the time to write the references for us. Unfortunately Missy couldn't make it. We missed having her there, but we all had a pretty good time. I experimented with a new chicken recipe, and thankfully it came out ok. I had planned on giving this big speech thanking everyone for their time and effort and what it meant to be able to ask them. Joe even gave me the opening to go for it, but I figured it was too queer, so I left it alone. Hopefully we were able to convey how grateful we are for all of their efforts, despite my chickening out.

Ken had his one-on-one with Bonnie on January 9th. (I guess he drew the short straw for being the guinea pig to go first.) It took about an hour and was a lot of what what we had already said in our bio as well as what we had covered in the January 2nd meeting. I guess the questions get repeated in different ways to be sure they get all the info they can from us. Anyway, he had to answer how he felt about school and questions concerning his relationship with his parents as a child and now. He also had to answer what he learned from his parents (importance of family/support). He gave Bonnie our well water tests and pet/vet info, too. Two meetings down, and two to go.

At our first meeting with Bonnie I asked about the I-600A form. This is part of the immigration paperwork. It's hard to know when you can fill out some things and when you have to wait. You get a list of things to do, but unfortunately not a list of when to do them. Anyway, since we could have done this weeks ago, we filled it out and sent it in. Since there was money involved, I tried to actually go to the government office and personally hand it in, but that office was insane with people. I opted to mail it in, which is what the directions said to do anyway. It went out on Jan. 16th, so hopefully by the end of the month we'll get a phone call inviting us to come in and get fingerprinted.

I had my one-on-one with Bonnie on Jan 16th. It was pretty much the same thing as Ken's meeting. I had to tell about my childhood, my feelings towards education, how I was disciplined, etc. It also took about an hour to get thru everything. Our next step is the pre-adoption class on Feb. 6th.

Ken sent out the remaining portion of the service and administration fees on Jan. 20th. It's not the big fee, but it's nice to be shaving off the cost a little at a time.

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February '04

I called the "stat line" to find out the numbers for January. There were 13 boys and 2 girls referred. (So you can see why we figure we're getting a boy!) The "open to either sex" (boy) referrals had a 2 1/2 to 4 months wait after the application date. There will be 11 arrivals by the end of January, and they had a wait of 3-5 months after the referral. So, it looks like things are still pretty speedy. We don't have an application date yet since that doesn't happen until after our home study is completed, written up, and sent to the Waltham office. We're still hopeful this all comes down this year, but it really rests in the hands of our social worker. We also haven't gotten the call to be fingerprinted yet, so the immigration paperwork may also bog us down a little bit. All that has to be in before a referral can happen, too.

It's Feb. 9th, and we still haven't gotten a receipt confirmation from CIS (Citizenship and Immigration Services) or an invite to be fingerprinted. So, that would be 1 week longer than anticipated. I called CIS and was told that it could actually take 4 weeks for a receipt and another 2 weeks after that for the fingerprinting. I'm not totally freaked out yet since the home study isn't done, but I called WHFC anyway. I spoke to one of the women who deals with the I600A form and she agreed that until the home study is complete, the CIS processing isn't considered to be a hold up. However, if I don't get anything from CIS within 3 weeks, I should give her a call back. If the home study is completed before we get fingerprinted, she'll also call CIS about it.

Our pre-adoption class was postponed from last Friday (2/6) to Feb. 20th due to the ice storm. That also meant our last home study meeting had to be postponed, too. Fortunately Bonnie just finished up the home study process with her other couple, so she is basically all ours. She said she had enough to start the write-up, so the delay shouldn't impact her. She figures the last meeting will give her some more stuff to use, but with the prior meetings and the bio we wrote, she felt pretty good about the info she had already accumulated. So, still nothing to do but wait.

It's Feb. 11th, and Yae! We got our stuff from CIS yesterday. What's even better is the form said that when they get the home study sent to them, they estimate only three weeks for processing. That is pretty cool because that comes before a referral. The bad news is that we have to wait until March to do our fingerprinting. I guess it really doesn't matter, though, since it is unlikely they will receive the completed home study before the end of March. Our social worker has already started, but even if she finished by March 1st, the main office in Waltham would probably need a few weeks to do their part. I found out the real reason our social worker started early. WHFC hired another full time social worker, so they don't need our part-time Bonnie anymore. So, on Feb 16th, we get transferred over to our new woman. Bonnie's last part will be the home study write-up. There's not much for the social worker to do after that until the kid is ours, so getting a new one, isn't really a big deal.

Well, Bonnie called today (Feb. 18th), and she is just about done with our home study write-up! She just needed to know Ken's and my nationality. I guess Korea likes to know your roots. Of course, neither of us really knows, but we gave the usual guesses. I can't believe she completed everything so quickly. She will give the study to Mary (WHFC - West Hartford) to approve today. When Mary OK's it, Bonnie will send it to us for our approval. She figures we should get it by email this week or possibly when she comes to our house on Saturday. So, as long as there are no problems with it, WHFC - Waltham should have it in their hands next week. I spoke with the assistant director for the Korean program (Ilene Manucci), and she said it usually takes around two weeks for them to process the application. If I'm doing my math right, the referral clock could be starting by March 3rd! That gives us a pretty good "best case" scenario if the process goes like the recording from January (2.5 to 4 months for referral and 3 to 5 months after that for the kid). I think we have a pretty decent shot for before Christmas. Although, I'm still going to hope for a birthday present! Oh, and I found out about why there's an abundance of boys. I guess when couples have a preference, it is for a girl. So, that leaves all the leftover boys for those couples that don't have a preference.

We had our pre-adoption class on Friday (Feb. 20th) and our in-house visit from Bonnie on Saturday (Feb. 21st). The class was ok, but two classes had to be combined because of our cancelled class. That made the class size kind of large for discussions, but it was ok. The class had a few basic parts. The first was to give a run down of some possible medical issues the children can have. It was interesting to think that some parents will receive children who have never been outside. Also, some kids have only had sponge baths, so water might be an issue for them. Another part was to give the various perspectives of adoption -the birth parents, the child, and the adoptive parents. The class also tried to emphasize the importance of acknowledging the child's cultural heritage. They used the term of "having a foot in each world". The class was about 4 hours long, and it was good to speak to others who are getting close to finishing up the application process. There were no parents looking at domestic adoption which was a surprise to me. There were mostly China and Eastern Europe people. There was one other couple looking at Korea, but we didn't get a chance to speak with them. It was just too crowded to move around and talk to many people.

The in-home visit was our last step of the application process. Bonnie gave a quick run thru the house to make sure it appeared safe, clean etc, but you could tell she wasn't really worried about our home. We had another set of questions that we had to answer. For instance, you have to agree that you won't beat your kids, have more than 2 kids under the age of one, keep medicines out of reach, etc. It was all pretty straight forward for us, but preparing a home for adoption is the same process as preparing a home for fostering. So, the form had some questions that were a little weird for our situation.

While we were at WHFC on Friday, we looked over the home study write-up that Bonnie did. This helped speed up the process because the paperwork didn't have to ping-pong back and forth. Mary will review it today (Feb. 23), if she hasn't already, make any corrections, and send it up to Waltham. I suggested to her that I figured we would have our kid by Christmas, but she figures it should be a lot sooner. (I had figured sooner in my head, too, but I wanted her to say it first.) She said that parents are getting referrals now who have December application dates. That's two months for those of you counting at home. Plus, she said those were a little slow due to the holidays. She thinks we could get our referral by the end of April. This means we have a reeeealllly good shot at having our son in his crib by September. Yae!

So anyway, all we have left is giving our fingerprints and doing our passport application. The waiting clock starts ticking today.

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March '04

On Saturday (March 6th) we had our fingerprints taken at the immigration office. It's pretty cool how they do that now. They put this gel lotion on your hands and you rub it in until your hands are dry. Then they take your hands and put them on this glass screen where your prints are scanned. It's way better than the old days of black ink. It's also much faster. The screen tells the operator if the scan was correct, too, so they know if they missed any part of your finger. We were told to be there at 8AM, but I think we really could have been there any time before 11:00. We were glad we were there early, though because we probably would have been there much longer than the 20 minutes we were. Now, we really have nothing to do but wait for the referral, so we will find things to fill our time and occupy our minds.

CRAP! So, its March 9th and I just got a call from our new social worker (Jocelyn). She was all excited to tell us that she emailed our completed home study to Waltham yesterday. Well, you can imagine my surprise since I was under the impression that it had been sent back on Feb. 23rd. As it turned out, a person left the DCF office and nobody picked up that person's work. WHFC had been calling DCF looking for our background check, and apparently it was part of that abandoned work. I can't even imagine how someone's work in an office as important as a child welfare office could be ignored. Anyway, the check was finally received to complete the home study packet, and it was sent off. There were 3 more questions we had to answer, though, before she could really call the study complete.

1. Age of child. (Let's see how many times have we answered that one?)
2. Healthy or open to a "waiting child" (Again, many times answered that, too).
3. How open are you to communication with the birth mother. (At least that was a new one.)

I answered them over the phone to speed up the process since Jocelyn is heading up to Waltham tomorrow. It would have been ridiculous to have made an appointment to go over that. Ugh. Ok, enough whining. Here's the good side. The last couple to receive a referral waited 7 weeks from application date. Yes, I can't help but think we would already be 2 weeks into that 7, but what can you do? I asked Jocelyn if our application date will be tomorrow when she goes up, or if it was yesterday when she sent in our home study stuff. She'll get back to me after her visit tomorrow.

Korea Program Update as of today, March 11:
There were 17 referrals for the month of February (5 girls, 12 boys) and 10 for March (3 girls, 7 boys). The average time for referrals of boys was 2 months and 5 months for girls. The next application date waiting for either is 1/3/04, but it is 9/30/03 for a girl. There were 14 families who went to Korea, and there were 32 babies escorted. The average wait after the referral is 3-5 months.

PS. We still don't have an application date yet. So much for everything we get told along the way from the West Hartford office. I will have to call Waltham back next week to see if it is done yet. Hopefully the two offices get their communications in synch, so we get some accurate and consistent information about our status.

-------- later this same day --------

Jocelyn (our new social worker) returned my call with some info. Her supervisor (in Waltham) has to sign the paperwork that was delivered there yesterday. She assures me that this will happen tomorrow (March 12th). On Wednesday (March 17th) the application will be hand delivered to immigration. Supposedly the immigration part will go faster than most because we have already had our fingerprints taken. Although, I have become doubtful of words like that because what really is "faster"? It's different depending on which side of the phone call you're on. That's something I've learned along the way to here.

OK, so what does that all mean in regards to an application date? It means the application is still being processed. I'm still trying to understand what the application date is that the program director refers to in the recordings. I've left yet another message with yet a different person to see if it can be cleared up. Hopefully I will get the info tomorrow. They say the paperwork is a bear, but I think this part is worse. It's so much less clear.

March 12: Betsy Barrett (Korea program director up in Waltham) returned my call today and told me the story about the application:

The Little Application that Could

Once upon a time there was a file of papers. It wanted to be an application so bad because it thought it was complete, but it had more steps to take. When the home study was done, the completed file (including DCF background check and child request questionnaire) was sent to Waltham for processing. (For us last Monday, the 8th)

Jackie, up in Waltham, does the processing. She verifies the file is complete and there are no missing pieces. She gives it to the supervisor to sign. (According to Jocelyn this will happen today.) When it is all "processed", a cover sheet is put on top with that day as the application date. The processing usually takes 1-2 weeks. (We are done with week 1, so the application date should be no later than the 19th.)

This "more" completed packet goes to Ilene and Betsy. When they receive it they will send us a letter with an overview, including the actual application date. All of this gets sent to Korea.

Referrals come back to WHFC in groups, but the babies do not. So, there will be people who were referred the same day as us, but may get their child before us. Traveling doesn't necessarily impact the process.

The End

March 25: I spoke to Betsy Barrett (Program Director) and found out some new info. Somehow our application date is March 12th! I'm not sure how that happened since when I spoke to her ON March 12th she figured it would be the 19th based on where the paperwork was that day. I guess they are either sick of my calling or things moved a LOT quicker than anticipated. In either case, it's very cool since the average referral time is still around 8 weeks. The application should be sent to Korea next Friday (April 2nd).

I asked her some other questions while I had her on phone. The legal custody process is a bit later than I thought. I was under the impression there was a 6 month placement process where we are reviewed by Jocelyn, and then it's over. Unfortunately, once the review period is over, yet another write-up has to be done. This write up goes to an agency attorney who applies for a hearing in Connecticut. In Massachusetts it's been taking 2-4 months for a hearing date. So, we should expect at least 8 months before Reggie is "officially" ours.

I also asked what happens if we get the referral while we are on vacation. We are required to sit with the social worker to go over the referral, so we can't do it by phone or fax. They want an answer within 2 weeks of the referral, so we should be all set. She suggested we leave info with Jocelyn of where we are so she can get a hold of us if she needs to. The average age of the infants at time of referral are between 1 and 3 months old. So, that would mean Reggie could be between 4 and 7 months old. I have heard of some kids being younger, but everything depends on speed of processing, so who knows. Let's hope for the younger side, but, of course, does it really matter?? Reggie won't come to us circumcised. It's an elective surgery, so the agency recommends not putting a child under anesthesia for it. He'll be older when we get him, so that will be a tough one to decide. It sure would suck if something went wrong and we really didn't even feel strongly about the operation in the first place.

So, that's where we are - officially waiting for Reggie's picture and info. Now, we just need to get him a real name! Poor Reggie! (Don't forget about our Baby Name Poll!)

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April '04

April 6th: Now that we are officially waiting for Reggie, we're getting invites to the different functions the agency has. We signed up to participate in the "Waiting Family" meeting next week. It's run by adoptive parents who have already gone thru all this. It takes place at the agency office in West Hartford, but it's not an "official" part of the agency. It sounds like a good place to network with other parents who are currently waiting. Maybe we'll hook up with someone to go to Korea with. I'm sure it will also be a place where people can pat you on the head and say "Everything is fine", "You just need to be patient", "It's going to happen soon enough", etc. It also makes for an excellent opportunity to hit Harry's for pizza! We should be half way into the wait for the referral, but I don't know where we are on the list, so it's hard to know for sure. I left a message for Jocelyn, but she was out of the office on a home visit. I thought we would get a letter from the agency when we were done with the application process, but we didn't. I'm not sure if they didn't send it out because I had called them about it, or if I misunderstood what I was told. Hopefully Jocelyn knows what's up.

April 7th: Don't laugh, but Jocelyn called back and told me that our "Welcome" letter is 'in the mail'.

April 14th: We went to our first monthly "Waiting Parents" meeting last night. It was raining really hard, so the turnout was a little low. There were 9 of us there. One couple was still in the paperwork stage for a Russian child. They were also in our pre-adoption class. It was good to see a familiar face, but their experiences will be so much different from ours. We'll be able to feel the other's frustration with the generic waiting, but they have a lot more bureaucracy to deal with than we will. One couple was waiting for a sibling group (aged 10 and 6) from the Philippines. A single parent was there who is considering a "waiting child", but she really seemed like she was moving along at her own snail's pace with this whole process. The other 2 people (their husbands weren't with them) were waiting for their boys from Korea. One received her referral on Feb. 20th, and the other one received her's a couple weeks before that. They both expect calls any day now. The meeting was interesting at times, but when I asked Ken if he would go back, he didn't think so. I'm not sure what I expected, but I didn't leave there with much more than when I got there. I did learn that it is a real pain to get the child's social security card because the name on the birth certificate doesn't match his current name. There were also a couple ideas for preparing for the arrival. One was to have everyone in the family take a square and write a little story or draw a picture. Then you take that square and transfer it to fabric to make a quilt. (not going to happen) The other idea was to keep a diary. That way when the child asks what you were doing when he was born, you can tell him. (that's got a chance)

I think we'll try it again, though. It might just have been an off night due to the weather.

April 28th: I called to get a program update to try to figure out where we are on the referral list. It seems things are slowing down a little bit. The next family waiting for a referral has an application date of March 2nd, which was 8 weeks ago. Our application date is March 12th, so I'm guessing it will probably be another 2-3 weeks. Although, that is still just a guess since. They still say 6 - 10 weeks for referral waits, which could be this Friday or the first week of June.

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May '04

May 11th: I had called yesterday to see if we could find out where we were on the "list". Knowing the number doesn't really give an idea of when we will get our baby, but it's just nice to know. Betsy called me back today. We are #2, but technically we are #4. There were two couples who had already accepted their referrals a few months ago, but their babies developed a medical problem. They withdrew their acceptance, so that puts them back on the list waiting for a referral. It must have been an incredibly hard decision for them to make after having become attached to the face in their photos. I don't know if they are people open to either sex or not, but since Betsy mentioned they were above us now, I'm going to assume they are. Normally the referrals are done in chronological order, but there have been exceptions. That's why the list position isn't always a true indication of timing. Plus, there's no way to actually know how many babies will be referred in a given month. The only thing that is probably a sure thing is that our baby has been born. That's pretty cool. (understatement)

May 18th: We got our referral today!! Jocelyn called me around 11:15AM. I tried to call Ken immediately after, but it was like 45 minutes before he called me back. While I was on the phone with the social worker, Liz had sent me an email, so with Ken not at his desk, I had to reply to her with the info. (Sorry Ken, but at least I waited to put it up on the web site!!)

His name (yes, it's a boy) is Park Jon Ha. (pronounced Park Hon Hay) He was born on March 7th (full term) and weighed 8.1 pounds. So, he's a big boy.

A woman in Waltham (Shannon Perry) will be processing the paperwork and then overnight it to Jocelyn. If Shannon got it out early, and Jocelyn receives it today, we'll meet with her tomorrow. Otherwise, we should meet with her Thursday. When we meet, we will get a picture and more information about him. This is when we can get the medical information to bring to our doctor to check out. Then we let Jocelyn know what our decision is.

I also asked Jocelyn about those two couples who had medical concerns. They declined the children at the time of referral. When the doctor checked out the medical information, she discovered some issues that could manifest later on. So, it wasn't like it was a few weeks or months after the referral when the problems came up. I was glad to hear that. I'm sure it was still a hard decision, but at least they hadn't spent too much time with the photo.

May 20th: We got our pictures and "Reggie file" today!! We met with Jocelyn today to go over all the information about Reggie. We received all the medical information to date, information about his birth parents, and information about his foster family. We also met with Reggie's future pediatrician (Dr. Ram). He went over the medical information to confirm that he is a healthy boy. Now that we have everything in order, we begin the next phase which is more paperwork. It's a lot of the same information, but the form numbers have changed. We need to fill everything out, get it notarized, and return it to the agency as soon as possible. The next clock will start ticking when WHFC receives the bundle of paper and our final payment. The estimated wait is 2-5 months. The timing is all based on how long it takes Korea and the US to process the paperwork. Most of the paperwork involves the immigration, emigration, and visa stuff. The foster family received a disposable camera, so we should receive updated pictures while we wait. We can send things (i.e. more disposable cameras, a picture book of us) to Reggie thru the agency in Waltham. When someone goes to Korea or a package is sent to Korea, they will include our packet. Reggie has a "K" number associated with him so as long as our items have that number, they should get to him. We've heard different stories about that though, so I'm not positive he will get the items or not. I'm sure we'll send stuff anyway. It's definitely worth the risk, and if he doesn't get the stuff, someone else will who could probably use them. (Well, probably not the photo book of U.S...)

May 25th:  We completed our acceptance paperwork over the weekend and brought it into Esta's bank to get it all notarized yesterday. We double checked everything last night and noticed we were short one copy of a form. We made a copy, but since the signatures are a copy instead of original, it could bite us in the butt later on. Hopefully it's ok. I will head to the post office when it opens this morning and send it off to Waltham. If all goes well, the clock will start ticking this week. I will call on Thursday to confirm they received the package and inquire about more recent photos.

Ken called the Korea Program "hotline" today. It was kind of funny because it was updated on the 20th and says the next application date to be processed is March 11th. We were March 12th and we got the referral the day before the recording was updated. I wonder if they don't consider the referral complete until they receive the acceptance paperwork. Anyway, there were 3 boys and 3 girls referred at that point. Maybe the girl/boy ratio is changing? Also, the recording kept with the 2-5 months wait with an average of 3 1/3 months for getting the baby, but it was based from the referral. So yes, now we need to get the definition of a referral. Is it when we were given the info or is it when they receive our acceptance package? Hmm, so many dates and so many definitions...

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June '04

June 7th: I called Shannon Perry this morning. She is the woman who processes all the referral acceptance paperwork. We needed to know our "documented" referral date because Betsy said this is the date that is used when she figures out the averages. Our paperwork was shipped out to Korea on 5/27. Shannon reviews the packet for errors before it gets sent, so that means all the paperwork was considered "correct". If she had found any problems, she would have had us fix the problem before she sent it out.

Our official referral date is 5/18. That was the date that we were given the news, but I wanted to make sure they didn't use the date that the paperwork was shipped or maybe the date that we accepted the referral. So, that means that if the average delivery time is 3 1/2 - 4 1/2 months, Reggie could be here between the middle of August to the middle of September. (tic-to)

June 10th: We got a letter in the mail yesterday from WHFC. They received all the paperwork from Korea and have sent that along with our I600 petition and I600A approval to BCIS (INS). The I600 is a petition to "Classify Orphan as an Immediate Relative" which allows Reggie to receive a Visa and enter the US. I'm guessing this is the process that holds the clock for when he comes home. Let's all hope that there aren't too many people on vacation yet at immigration services!

June 11th: I just spoke to Betsy Barrett about some things that were in my head. We won't get any more recent photos of Reggie unless he is in foster care for 5-6 months. So, if we get more photos, it's actually a bad thing. What happens is the foster family will either develop the photos and send them in the bundle with the baby, or they will give the cameras to Holt (the agency in Korea) and they will develop them. If Holt gets them, the photos usually get sent out in 1-2 months after we receive the baby.

Our BCIS processing is happening in Boston. I found a web link to this agency, so I can see what date they are on as far as processing. Our paperwork was hand delivered to them on 6/1, so we figure our receipt date from them would be not long after that. Anyway, the site was updated on May 13th, and at that time, they were processing April 5th. So, it appears they are processing items a month after they receive them, which could mean they could be working on ours in July. The bulk of the processing, however, isn't with BCIS. Korea has a lot more steps in this process than the US has, so they are the ones holding the clock. Betsy wasn't sure if they will wait for the BCIS processing to be complete or not before they begin their processing. They have gone both ways on this, and she wasn't sure where they stood on it now.

I also asked about the chances for Reggie receiving items that we send him. She said it was pretty good and went with a 9 out of 10 chance he'll receive it. We can send packages to Holt, but if it's something small, we can send the envelope to Waltham, and they'll send it off. I think we'll probably put together a "family" book so he can see who we are. I think it's probably a good idea for him to get used to Dakota's fuzzy face. She tends to freak out little kids. She suggested that if I wanted to send additional cameras, that I request photos of his daily routine, where he slept, photos of him and his foster family together, the home/apt where he lives, etc. This sounds like a good idea so we can show him where he started off.

Betsy also gave me some info on the wait time. While they still say 3-6 months, she said that there really aren't too many who get their baby in 3 months, but there really aren't too many who get their baby in 6 months, either. So, it's somewhere in the middle. She figures between 3 1/2 - 5 months. That's about a month longer than her last estimate. Her job is to keep us down, so it's hard to know where the bulk is. She tries to avoid too much talk of time lines to make sure nobody gets too attached to a particular date.

She did also say that these Korean babies have been pretty big. I told her of our 8 pounder, and she mentioned that I should start working out my upper body. There's something specific about baby boys. The foster moms love to make their baby boys big!

June 22nd: We will get updates each time Reggie goes to the doctors. We got one in the mail yesterday. I don't think I gave the details when we got the referral. He had 3 appointments by that time so we can see his gradual growth. This month's report indicates he has had his first set of shots (polio, DPT) and all his vitals are still normal. He can bear good weight on his legs, responds to sounds, coos, smiles on his own as well as in response, follows movement, and sucks his hands. He's three months old, and is at a three month old level. I'll chart his growth to make it easier to compare:

Date	Length	Weight
3/7	20.1 inches	8.1 lbs
3/11		7.9 lbs
4/8	22.04 inches	10.12 lbs
5/6	23.6 inches	12.6 lbs
6/4	24.25 inches	13.97 lbs

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July '04  

July 7th: I called Betsy Barrett today to get some more info about additional photos of Reggie. Last time she had said that you usually don't get another photo unless the baby is in foster care for 5-6 months. I didn't think about it then, but when I hung up it dawned on me. If the average time after referral is somewhere between 4-5 months, and Reggie was in foster care from day 1, and Reggie was referred to us when he was 2 months, then we would most definitely fall into the second photo group. I mean the math gets him to a probable 6 months in foster care. So anyway, she agreed that we should probably get another picture. However, what usually happens is that those who get a second picture end up with the baby before that picture actually arrives. She has been pushing Holt (this is the agency in Korea that our agency works with) to take digital photos at every baby wellness exam. That way they can email the photo to her, and she can send them out to the hopeful parents. She even suggested that we all would be willing to pay an extra fee for this - like there aren't enough fees, but of course it would be worth it.

July 15th: We got our I-600 approval today! This means that means our "beneficiary" (Reggie) has been given the "appropriate classification". Basically this means that the consulate in Korea now has the ability to find Reggie eligible for a visa and admission to the United States. The approval was actually July 1st, so if if took two weeks for them to send us a letter, I can't imagine how long it takes for them to notify Korea. Hopefully we're the afterthought and Korea got the info right away. The next hope is that Korea isn't in the mode of waiting until they receive approval before they start BCIS processing. Reggie is at least one more step closer to coming home!

July 23: We got another baby update from his doctor's visit at the beginning of this month. He's still "cute and fine". (It just cracks me up that they say that in the report each month.) He's pretty much doing all the same stuff he was doing last month. He's rolling over now and can put his hands together. His development is assessed at the 4-5 month old level. He also had some blood tests, and everything looks good. We'll probably make an appointment with his pediatrician to go over this report, though. Even though it looks good, it would be nice to know what exactly it is that looks good. They use a lot of abbreviations. Here's his updated growth chart:

Date	Length	Weight
3/7	20.1 inches	8.1 lbs
3/11		7.9 lbs
4/8	22.04 inches	10.12 lbs
5/6	23.6 inches	12.6 lbs
6/4	24.25 inches	13.97 lbs
7/6	25.35 inches	15.51 lbs

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August '04 

August 24th: We received "The Call" this morning. Jacob will be arriving at Logan Airport (Boston) on Tuesday August 31st. We need to get a gift for the person who is escorting him over, but Our Journey for Jacob is almost over. Our wait from referral was 3 1/2 months, so we were definitely on the good side of the 3-6 month wait. Yae!

August 31st: I guess I won't have much to add to this part of our journey now that he's here. Please keep up with us thru the journal instead!   Amy's Journal

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April '05  

April 1st: We received "The Letter" a couple weeks ago. Jacob's court date is next Wednesday (April 6). We have completed the 6 months of updates/reports to the agency, so it's adoption time for us!

We have also begun the process for our next child. We sent out the calls to ask our friends and Liz to be references again. I am almost done with our side of the paperwork. I have to make a few tweaks to our bio, make copies, and send it out. The Korea program has slowed down a bit, so it might take a little longer than last time. The program has also changed. You used to be able to select the gender if you had a child already, but you can't anymore. We're still going to stick with Korea, though. We think it will be better for Jacob to have a sibling if his heritage. So our journey continues....

April 6th: Today is Jacob's "Forever Day"! This means that he is now a part of our family forever. We went to court and adopted him. For Korean adoptions, the adoption actually takes place here in the US. This is why you don't have to travel to Korea in order to get your child. The Korea program allows for the new family's country to do the adoption as long as we are "watched" for a period of time. So, for the 6 months after Jacob arrived we have been filling out monthly reports on his physical development, social development, and his health. We also had to include at least 5 photos with each report. In addition to those reports, we had 3 meetings with our social worker. She came to our house twice, and we met her at the agency office once. Once that was complete, our social worker made an appointment with the probate court in West Hartford for the finalization of the adoption. So now Jacob's adoption is officially over. He is forever a part of our family.

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